I couldn’t dive today.. which sucked.
But just that sucked.
Not the day.
Today, although I was a mere bubble watcher on the boat, I got to watch the bubbles from up top—that’s right, the Captain’s spot.
I got to be Captain today.
Captain as in ‘learning to drive the boat’ Captain.
But it was awesome.
It wasn’t as easy as I thought—you’re not just driving the scuba boat, you’re accounting for waves, and currents, and wind, and buoys, and bubbling divers, and struggling divers, and divers that just jump off the boat for no reason and without warning.
It’s a complicated job.
But standing up there, on top, in the Captain’s spot—it’s like standing on top of the world.. well, maybe not on top of it. More like out, in it. Like you’re perched on the bow of a big white ship, fronteering the ocean blue.
It’s all there—right in front of you. This field of water that never, ever ends, just blends with the sky into space. And you’re this measly bubble watcher—hell, you might as well be a bubble yourself. Cause according to the ratio of significance between you to that ocean—once again, hell. The ocean could swallow millions of you.
You’re so small.
But not in a bad way. It makes me happy, actually—to feel so small. To not really mean anything. I could live, or die, and the ocean wouldn’t care. I could fall desperately on my face. I could fail a million times. I could receive a 4.0 as a graduating senior. It’s all the same.
And the ocean would not, give, a, fuck.
I doesn’t judge.
It could still swallow me whole. And it might, if it had the chance.
But I think that’s the thing—we can’t fight it. The ocean would swallow anyone. No matter how big, or how small. It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you’ve been. It’s fate.
And it’s constant, and powerful, like a God that I wouldn’t love putting my trust in.
..Anyways. That captain spot.